Whoop There It Is

My very first Indian gut rot! I think my bowels have turned to knives. I’m pretty sure I didn’t even eat anything to deserve it. Screw you, knife bowels. Fortunately I learnt my lesson after South America and I brought a shit tonne (pun intended. Not even sorry) of Immodium and rehydration sachets with me so I’ve pretty much spent the morning sipping what could be a kill or cure slightly salty solution in between shitting liquid and feeling appallingly sorry for myself. I used to brag of a cast iron stomach forged in a pit of angry bacteria until South America happened. Have you ever tried miming “the shits” to a pharmacist in a country where you don’t speak the language whilst your lower intestine ties itself in knots and attempts to expel anything you put into it in the worst way possible?

7-1414074883-intestinal-mutiny-antedote

Plain rice and a banana lassi, for when your intestines are committing mutiny.

Once I felt like I could trust my sphincter muscle again I ventured out to stuff plain, steamed rice and a banana lassi into my facehole on account of this being the Indian answer to your stomach refusing to to function correctly. A lot of people get this way worse than me, they’re bedridden for a day, sometimes several days. At least I can stand up in between doubling over in pain which is good because I have to be on a train for five hours from 4am tomorrow. Show must go on and all that. But basically, this fucking sucks. I want a bowl of cream of chicken soup from a can, a nice ciabatta roll, and my mum.

Agra, Uttar Pradesh, India
Stayed at: Zostel Agra

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